"Trans - Dimesional Envoy?"

With the holiday season upon us in 2010 I am minded to recall an episode in this Blogger’s life that occurred during May 2008….

It’s official.... I AM a genius, read on....


I had a wonderful drive into work this morning, the roads were empty, the sun was shining, the birds were singing, no smog over Madrid – one of those Halcyon days when nothing could go wrong.


As I entered the car park where I work, I couldnt believe my eyes!!! Hundreds of empty parking spaces!! I am normally forced to park “A la Madrileño” (ie anywhere on or off the road (roundabouts are my personal favourite) – but not today. Curiosity was beginning to get the better of me…


I wondered if the clocks had gone back a couple of hours and I had forgotten to change the time on my watch, so I checked the time on the clock in the car (it’s one of those snazzy clocks linked directly to the atomic-caesium clock in Berlin which automatically updates for all world time zones and accurate to a squillionth of a second) but no – the time was right on my watch.

Had I slipped through some extra-dimensional portal to a world where I was the only person still alive? Possibly.....As the Twilight Zone started playing in my mind

I was struck firmly between the eyes by the crushing reality of my situation, if indeed I had passed through some portal to a parallel there would be no more parties, no more cocido, and possibly, no more Gin and Tonic!!! (you never know what privations await you in a parallel world….

Disaster loomed.

I hesitantly swiped my card through the security lock, and submitted to the retinal scan, at least in this extra-dimensional world my security clearance was still valid.

I mounted the staircase to go through the final security check to be greeted by

the sounds of laughter – oh joy!! I was not alone and possibly Gin and Tonic had been invented by these terribly intelligent parallel beings.

I estimated there were at least 3 beings in this dimension (including myself). With a spring in my step I approached the sound of laughter to be confronted by two extra-dimensional beings, who miraculously resembled the Securitas Security Guards that I knew back in my own, so – far- away, world.

They were laughing at the security camera screens and muttering such words as “Tonto” and “idiota” ie “dumb” and “stupid”, then the word “Guiri” – “Tourist”!

I realised then that they had been monitoring MY progress into the Secure Facility.

“How rude” I thought, after all it isnt every day that you get to meet a trans-dimensional traveller.

I approached the desk in readiness to take them to task, after all I was an envoy for my own world, when one of them, sporting a grin expansive enough to suck all the oxygen out of a football stadium, held up a sign that read “Hoy es Mayo 1” (“Today is May 1st”).

I felt myself going weak at the knees, blackness was rushing into my field of view, confusion reigned supreme, and finally, this GENIUS realised that he had just driven 40 kilometres to work, had NOT crossed dimensions, was not a World Envoy, but WAS an “idiota”.


May 1st is a Bank Holiday in Spain!!!!